3210 Days Since, 27 Left Until

Well, nothing new to report here. I've heard from neither my ex-wife or my old love, both of which are expected. Neither have I tried calling either of them myself. Maybe tomorrow on the latter, maybe soon on the former (she still has to drop off her damn keys.)

I splurged on myself today. Took my lunch break at work and walked across the street & bought a new digital camera at Radio Shack. The last one I had my ex-wife lost during a week-long meth binge with her girlfriend from one of her stints in the county lock-up in March, and since I saw how cheap they've gotten, I went ahead and bought one.

I gotta say, in all honesty there's only one reason I bought it: My trip next month. I bought a 2 gig SD memory card, and I have hopes of filling it with pictures of and with a certain little blonde girl. Of course, pessimist that I am, my hope dims daily. Maybe I'll see her, but I doubt it'll be anything like it was all those years ago.

I had a picture of her that I took with me in the Army, to remind me of why I was there & the love that would not leave my heart. It was taken by my mother on July 4, 1999 at the lake where my grandparents own a small cabin. It was a candid moment, neither of us knowing we were being photographed. I was smoking a cigarette, and she had her arms wrapped around me from behind.

It was my favorite photo of us togther.

I was hoping that there would be others, but now I'm not so sure.

And perhaps that's for the best. I don't know that this is something that's meant to be. A lot of years have passed, and while the core of each person never changes, a lot of things do, and it may be too much. It's that core of her that I love, and it's the same in her heart. Who knows where it will end up?

But that's the point. I wouldn't be writing this if we were having the same long-distance relationship we had 9 years ago at this point. This is the great unknown, an unlit corridor along this hallway of my life. If it fails and nothing happens, I know I have given it my all, have been forthright and true to my heart, my wants, and my needs.

If it succeeds, then I will be a bit surprised, but a whole lot happy.